While perusing old files from my first computer, I stumbled across a song that I & two others created without ever being in the same room together. This song was in celebration of the online academy we attended. At that time, NSA under its founder arguably had a “wild west” approach to student socialization; the “Cafe” area (a collection of many folder forums) was like a PG/PG13-rated version of 4chan. In true 90s-kids-discovering-Myspace fashion, the pecking order was established mainly by how many fellow students had signed one’s profile (“resume”) guest list, how elaborate one’s forum signature was, and how creative/destructive one was reputed to be within the Cafe’s role-play-writing games (mostly Lord of the Rings & Star Wars themed). Considering NSA mostly consisted of Christian homeschoolers–many of them living internationally with missionary parents–our occasional attempts at rowdiness barely registered a blip on the internet’s moral radar. At our edgiest, we would make fun of those slightly more uptight than ourselves, or maintain than the NSA acronym actually stood for “No Singles Allowed” (a tongue-in-cheek reference to the many long-distance romances facilitated by the Cafe).
Under new management the Cafe’s controversial RPG and Debate folders were closed, and I was unceremoniously banned from my Alumni account for a bit of snark directed at a small contingent of fundamentalists still maintaining in the early 2000s that rock ‘n roll is “the devil’s music.” The online community immortalized in our song was no more.
As an elegy to that original NSA, which afforded me great friends (and great creative writing experience), I present for your listening pleasure the song in question.
“No Singles Allowed”
Vocals, Drums, Editing: Jon B.
Lead Guitar: Jason C.
Rhythm Guitar, Lyrics: Christopher W.
I’m surrounded my MKs who love Reliant K almost every day
I double-click to go to school, in my PJs aren’t I cool?
No Singles Allowed, I hang with the random crowd
The Cafe’s gonna get loud, so many posts the server’s gonna break down!
No Singles Allowed, I hang with the random crowd
The Cafe’s gonna get loud, so many posts the server’s gonna break down!
It’s a great place to debate if you don’t mind online hate
Don’t talk predestination, it makes them go irate
You don’t like rock–are you straight?
(Guys my throat hurts really bad)
No Singles Allowed, I hang with the random crowd
The Cafe’s gonna get loud, so many posts the server’s gonna break down!
No Singles Allowed, I hang with the random crowd
The Cafe’s gonna get loud, so many posts the server’s gonna break down!
I’m the king of the Cafe
Five weeks behind in my class
Slayer of the first-years
My guest list none shall surpass
Lord of the Sith
Master of the Jedi
Servant to the Queen of Dorks
Zapping from on high
Creator of the mass chats
Maker of the threads
With a signature so awesome
That it inspires dread
Bane of the teachers
Of the Geezerbee elite
Affixed will be my name
In Northstar history!
Christopher Lee Winn 